I have been putting off writing on this topic but I think it is time that I put this out there. First off, things are going great for us in Louisiana. We are finally settled and Eric is liking his new job. I feel like we are really getting into a routine. Eric's hours at work have been changing a lot but once he is done training on everything, he should be working consistently at 3rd shift.
There is only one thing that has been bothering me since we have moved. I have been afraid to drive. I haven't been able to figure out why. I don't know if it is because we are now living in the country and there are many curving roads and I hate driving on curves or if it is because we haven't had a car since July so I have just gotten use to not driving. It could be both reasons and/or something more. When our car broke down, I had only driven on a few occasions when Mom was visiting us in Kentucky and when we borrowed a car for a couple of weekends from a friend. I haven't forgotten how to drive, I am just anxious about it. We even found a new car that I am comfortable in that I love.
Before Eric started working here in Louisiana, it was easy to get where I wanted to go because we were spending time together. When Mom is here, it is the same way. I know the time is coming when I am gonna have to get back behind the wheel and I really don't know how I am gonna react when I absolutely have to do it. Once Eric starts working nights completely, he will be sleeping during the day and I will not be able to come up with any solid reason on why he has to go with me somewhere. Once summer hits, I will not be able to rely on Mom as she will be gone for weeks at a time.
When I couldn't drive it depressed me. Now I have my license and I can drive whenever I want and it scares me. I use to love driving. I would be on the interstate heading towards my sister or friend's house, singing as loud as I could to my favorite songs the whole way there. Now there is a fear that I can't shake. Eric is working this weekend overnight so he will be sleeping during the day. I will have the opportunity to just take the car for the day on Saturday and do whatever I want with Nadia. I am praying I take it and not sit at home wishing I could go do something fun like go to the park and get a snoball or go see my sister. Please, friends, pray for me. I don't want to become that depressed person who never went anywhere on her own again. There are times that I would get anxious while driving and would just ask Jesus to take the wheel. I just have to remember those times and ask Jesus each time I get in the driver's seat to take the wheel again and again.
Thursday, March 14, 2013
Thursday, January 17, 2013
God is Providing
For the first time in five years, I will not be spending my birthday with my friends. As Tuesday approaches, I know that this year will be different for me. I have made no plans and I am expecting nothing. The reason for this? Eric, Nadia and I have moved to Louisiana. It happened so fast that it still hasn't hit me that we are no longer in our home in Lawrenceburg. It hasn't hit me that Nadia is in a different school. Even though we have been in Louisiana since the last weekend of December, I feel like I am still on vacation. This was an opportunity we couldn't pass up though.
It all started about 8 weeks before Christmas. My mom called me telling me that she wished we were with her in Louisiana. She asked if there was anything keeping us in Kentucky. If she had asked us earlier in the year, we would have said Eric's family but his mom and sister had moved to Alabama that summer. I would have also said my sister and nephews but she was already making plans to move to Louisiana this year. I have to say, even though I have friends in Kentucky I would miss, nothing was keeping us there. That is when she made us an offer we couldn't refuse.
Ever since Eric and I were first married, one of our biggest dreams was to be able to buy our own house. With our credit due to medical bills and not being able to save any money since we have lived paycheck to paycheck, that has not been able to happen. Mom told us that we could move in with them and save our money for a year. By then, we would have a small down payment that should help us be able to buy our own place. We accepted. We began making arrangements and moved a few days after Christmas.
We took a leap of faith and moved not knowing exactly where our income would come from. It would be kinda easy for Eric to go back to working at a Burger King or McDonald's but I fear for his health. When he was working at Burger King, he was having problems with his ankles, due to being on his feet 10+ hours a day. That's not including the 15 minutes it took him to walk to and from work. Right now he is trying to find something that is better suited for him. He really wanted to get out of fast food anyways. Please pray for him as he searches. He does have an interview on my birthday and has put out several applications. If it comes down to it, he will go back to fast food but that will be his last option.
Through it all, I know God is on our side. We once said that we would only move from Lawrenceburg if God told us to and He was the one who told us to pack up and leave. I worry about when Eric will get a job but it's all in His time. God has a plan for us and I am ready to take on this new adventure with him. Right now, I sometimes wonder if we made a mistake. When I think about Eric not working and see how restless he is getting, how frustrated he gets because he is not providing for his family, I feel it would have been easier just to stay where we were. That's just it though. It would have been easier. If we had stayed, that would be it. We would continue to live with what we know and I would fear the unknown. I believe God had us make this move so we could grow in Him. He is making us rely on Him. Right now, He is providing for us. He is showing us that no matter where He leads us, we will not be alone.
It all started about 8 weeks before Christmas. My mom called me telling me that she wished we were with her in Louisiana. She asked if there was anything keeping us in Kentucky. If she had asked us earlier in the year, we would have said Eric's family but his mom and sister had moved to Alabama that summer. I would have also said my sister and nephews but she was already making plans to move to Louisiana this year. I have to say, even though I have friends in Kentucky I would miss, nothing was keeping us there. That is when she made us an offer we couldn't refuse.
Ever since Eric and I were first married, one of our biggest dreams was to be able to buy our own house. With our credit due to medical bills and not being able to save any money since we have lived paycheck to paycheck, that has not been able to happen. Mom told us that we could move in with them and save our money for a year. By then, we would have a small down payment that should help us be able to buy our own place. We accepted. We began making arrangements and moved a few days after Christmas.
We took a leap of faith and moved not knowing exactly where our income would come from. It would be kinda easy for Eric to go back to working at a Burger King or McDonald's but I fear for his health. When he was working at Burger King, he was having problems with his ankles, due to being on his feet 10+ hours a day. That's not including the 15 minutes it took him to walk to and from work. Right now he is trying to find something that is better suited for him. He really wanted to get out of fast food anyways. Please pray for him as he searches. He does have an interview on my birthday and has put out several applications. If it comes down to it, he will go back to fast food but that will be his last option.
Through it all, I know God is on our side. We once said that we would only move from Lawrenceburg if God told us to and He was the one who told us to pack up and leave. I worry about when Eric will get a job but it's all in His time. God has a plan for us and I am ready to take on this new adventure with him. Right now, I sometimes wonder if we made a mistake. When I think about Eric not working and see how restless he is getting, how frustrated he gets because he is not providing for his family, I feel it would have been easier just to stay where we were. That's just it though. It would have been easier. If we had stayed, that would be it. We would continue to live with what we know and I would fear the unknown. I believe God had us make this move so we could grow in Him. He is making us rely on Him. Right now, He is providing for us. He is showing us that no matter where He leads us, we will not be alone.
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
I Have Been Blessed
I have tried to do the 30 days of Thanksgiving on Facebook but I couldn't keep up. I have never been really good at following through to the end of some things. I am actually really surprised that I have continued this blog for so long. I sometimes wish I posted on here more often but if I did, I feel that what I said wouldn't be as meaningful. I always try to be unique in what I post.
Like I said last year at this time, I don't want to just say I am thankful for this or that because I know everyone is saying the same things. I recently heard a friend of mine sing this song with her children at church. I had never heard it before and it really spoke to me. As soon as I got home, I found a group singing it on iTunes and bought it. I knew then that it would go on my blog this week. It has been on my mind ever since I first heard it sung. I hope you all enjoy it as much as I have. We may not feel like this all the time but we are always blessed by God.
Like I said last year at this time, I don't want to just say I am thankful for this or that because I know everyone is saying the same things. I recently heard a friend of mine sing this song with her children at church. I had never heard it before and it really spoke to me. As soon as I got home, I found a group singing it on iTunes and bought it. I knew then that it would go on my blog this week. It has been on my mind ever since I first heard it sung. I hope you all enjoy it as much as I have. We may not feel like this all the time but we are always blessed by God.
Monday, November 5, 2012
Your Right As An American - VOTE!
Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent a new nation, conceived in liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.
Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that nation, or any nation, so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure. We are met on a great battle-field of that war. We have come to dedicate a portion of that field, as a final resting place for those who here gave their lives that that nation might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this.
But, in a larger sense, we can not dedicate, we can not consecrate, we can not hallow this ground. The brave men, living and dead, who struggled here, have consecrated it, far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here. It is for us the living, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us—that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion—that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain—that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom—and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth. Abraham Lincoln ~ November 19, 1863
We have been in a civil war these past few months. Not a war with guns and knives but a war with our speech, our posts on Facebook, Twitter and any other social network we may be on. Tomorrow, the final battle begins. As we step up to those voting booths, we must remember why we are voting. Not to be a winner among our peers because we think our candidate will win but because, unlike other countries, we get to make the decision on who runs our country. We get to decide who, for the next 4 years, will make, break or change the laws that have run our country from the beginning and will run our country in the future. As we vote, we must also remember those who died and are still fighting for our freedom. Our task is to honor our past and not just vote because so and so told us who the best president will be. We need to use our own mind, our own heart to decide. For those of you who say you will not vote because you do not like either candidate, you are giving up your freedom that others have died for. How are you honoring our past if you will not take upon yourself the task they bled for. You may not agree with either one wholly but you must agree with one or the other on some level.
I ask, no I plead with all of you, to set all pettiness aside, and pray before you vote. Ask God to help you choose the right person for the job.
Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that nation, or any nation, so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure. We are met on a great battle-field of that war. We have come to dedicate a portion of that field, as a final resting place for those who here gave their lives that that nation might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this.
But, in a larger sense, we can not dedicate, we can not consecrate, we can not hallow this ground. The brave men, living and dead, who struggled here, have consecrated it, far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here. It is for us the living, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us—that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion—that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain—that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom—and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth. Abraham Lincoln ~ November 19, 1863
We have been in a civil war these past few months. Not a war with guns and knives but a war with our speech, our posts on Facebook, Twitter and any other social network we may be on. Tomorrow, the final battle begins. As we step up to those voting booths, we must remember why we are voting. Not to be a winner among our peers because we think our candidate will win but because, unlike other countries, we get to make the decision on who runs our country. We get to decide who, for the next 4 years, will make, break or change the laws that have run our country from the beginning and will run our country in the future. As we vote, we must also remember those who died and are still fighting for our freedom. Our task is to honor our past and not just vote because so and so told us who the best president will be. We need to use our own mind, our own heart to decide. For those of you who say you will not vote because you do not like either candidate, you are giving up your freedom that others have died for. How are you honoring our past if you will not take upon yourself the task they bled for. You may not agree with either one wholly but you must agree with one or the other on some level.
I ask, no I plead with all of you, to set all pettiness aside, and pray before you vote. Ask God to help you choose the right person for the job.
Sunday, September 23, 2012
Life Without a Car
Any stay at home mom or homemaker can tell you how much they wish they could get out and do something for themselves every once in awhile. They love their family and being at home but doing the same thing over and over again can get tiresome and irritating without a girls' night, date night or some other kind of outing thrown in to shake things up. This feeling of needing to get out gets worse though if you can't get out. It has been torture this last three months without having a car. Sure I have spent a weekend with my parents or got to go shopping and out to eat with my mom but somehow that is different.
When we had a car and I knew Eric would be there when Nadia came home for school, I would just jump in the car and drive. I would end up stopping at a bookstore to browse for a couple of hours or go see a discount movie. I would go to Starbucks and enjoy one of my favorite drinks while driving home listening and singing to my favorite songs. I haven't been able to do this and it is driving me crazy! I have had people offer us rides if we ever need to go somewhere. I can't take them up on those offers though. If I did, I would feel rushed because I know someone is waiting for me. Besides, they have families and jobs. They can't pick up when ever I feel the need to get out of the house.
For the past 3 months, 90% of the time has been spent at home, Burger King and Wal-Mart. It's getting boring. I don't think I have really talked to anyone else besides Eric and Nadia in two weeks! I have talked to my mom on the phone but it is not the same as enjoying some one's company face to face. Every time I think about the fact that it is gonna be another 4 or 5 months before we can buy a car and it is starting to get cooler, I want to cry. I know that once winter hits, I will be stuck at home more if it snows. There is no way I will be able to walk to Burger King or Wal-Mart without fear of falling on ice and hurting my back or knees. I am praying for a mild winter like we had last year but I also want to enjoy watching the snow fall and playing in it with Nadia.
That past 3 months has begun to remind me of when I couldn't drive. When I would look forward to the time when Eric came home so he could take me somewhere. I was so depressed then. I have been having good days but I feel that depression trickling in. I will get short with Nadia for something small and then start crying. I will walk to Burger King when Eric is working just so I don't have to make something to eat at home. I have been letting the dishes sit longer in the sink than I should. When I do cook, it is simple things and I am gaining weight again. I am eating more sugary things and drinking more soda. I am hating myself for the reason I have let myself slide again. I tell myself that eating those two packs of poptarts yesterday was fine because I didn't have lunch. That sleeping in until 1pm is fine because I stayed up watching tv and being on the computer until 4am.
Of course with all this starting again, my anxiety is getting worse. The only reason I didn't go to church this morning is because Eric had to work and he wouldn't be there with me. We are going tonight but I will spend the whole time with Eric and rarely talk to anyone else.
Readers, I ask that you pray for me. Pray that I will be able to make it through the next four or five months with happier days. Pray that these months will go fast and everyday won't feel like it is dragging on leaving me with too many thoughts. Now I must go dry my eyes and get something to eat. I will try not to grab a poptart for my lunch.
When we had a car and I knew Eric would be there when Nadia came home for school, I would just jump in the car and drive. I would end up stopping at a bookstore to browse for a couple of hours or go see a discount movie. I would go to Starbucks and enjoy one of my favorite drinks while driving home listening and singing to my favorite songs. I haven't been able to do this and it is driving me crazy! I have had people offer us rides if we ever need to go somewhere. I can't take them up on those offers though. If I did, I would feel rushed because I know someone is waiting for me. Besides, they have families and jobs. They can't pick up when ever I feel the need to get out of the house.
For the past 3 months, 90% of the time has been spent at home, Burger King and Wal-Mart. It's getting boring. I don't think I have really talked to anyone else besides Eric and Nadia in two weeks! I have talked to my mom on the phone but it is not the same as enjoying some one's company face to face. Every time I think about the fact that it is gonna be another 4 or 5 months before we can buy a car and it is starting to get cooler, I want to cry. I know that once winter hits, I will be stuck at home more if it snows. There is no way I will be able to walk to Burger King or Wal-Mart without fear of falling on ice and hurting my back or knees. I am praying for a mild winter like we had last year but I also want to enjoy watching the snow fall and playing in it with Nadia.
That past 3 months has begun to remind me of when I couldn't drive. When I would look forward to the time when Eric came home so he could take me somewhere. I was so depressed then. I have been having good days but I feel that depression trickling in. I will get short with Nadia for something small and then start crying. I will walk to Burger King when Eric is working just so I don't have to make something to eat at home. I have been letting the dishes sit longer in the sink than I should. When I do cook, it is simple things and I am gaining weight again. I am eating more sugary things and drinking more soda. I am hating myself for the reason I have let myself slide again. I tell myself that eating those two packs of poptarts yesterday was fine because I didn't have lunch. That sleeping in until 1pm is fine because I stayed up watching tv and being on the computer until 4am.
Of course with all this starting again, my anxiety is getting worse. The only reason I didn't go to church this morning is because Eric had to work and he wouldn't be there with me. We are going tonight but I will spend the whole time with Eric and rarely talk to anyone else.
Readers, I ask that you pray for me. Pray that I will be able to make it through the next four or five months with happier days. Pray that these months will go fast and everyday won't feel like it is dragging on leaving me with too many thoughts. Now I must go dry my eyes and get something to eat. I will try not to grab a poptart for my lunch.
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
I Won't Go Back
My how this summer has flown! I can't believe the summer is almost over and Nadia will be starting the 3rd grade in a week! Nothing much has been going on the past month. We sold our car because fixing it would cost more than what we paid for it. We have been walking almost everywhere! I use to buy groceries once a month and now I have been getting them once every week or two and we have been carrying them home. That hasn't been so bad. At least I am getting some exercise. The constant walking has been torture on my knees and back though. I had been walking every other day to a local free wifi spot to get online and carrying the laptop has been a burden. That all has changed though. We decided since we won't be able to get a car until at least February that we would get the Internet at home again. This way I don't have to walk as often and my knees and back will be thankful for that.
I have a few fears about these changes though. I think back to the time I was not able to drive. The days that all I did was sit at home and play games online. Those days were horrible. I was depressed and didn't do anything around the house. My home was a mess! Even though I am able to drive now, I feel like I am in the same boat as then. I know that most of the rest of the year will be spent at home. I will only get out of the house when I have to buy groceries, for church on Sundays and for activities at Nadia's school. I am determined not to go back to those depressing days though. I don't want to spend all day on the computer and ignore my home and family again. So, here is what I am going to do...
I am going to give myself a schedule and pray I stick to it. I will allow myself time to play online when Nadia is at school but only after I have done some housework and my studying for my Sunday School class workbook. I will make sure that when Nadia comes home from school, the computer is turned off and my attention is on her and Eric when he is home from work. We will make supper as a family and eat as a family. We will enjoy each other's company as we help Nadia with her homework and maybe play a game or watch television. I will only allow myself to get online again after Nadia has been tucked into bed. Of course, there will be days that Nadia wants to get on her computer and I will allow her that time and give myself a little extra online time when she is playing her games and doing some educational work on the websites they use at her school. I know that this will not happen EVERY day. Emotions and moods will happen that will give me a depressing day here and there but even those days have been few. All this will begin the first day Nadia goes back to school. Friends, please pray that these changes that are happening in our lives will not make me go back to those depressing days. Not having a car, having Internet again and Nadia going back to school may not seem to be a big deal but it is to me. Any type of change can mess me up and my routine. I pray that my new routine that I set for myself will stick and I don't slide. I am determined to no go back but forward in life!
I have a few fears about these changes though. I think back to the time I was not able to drive. The days that all I did was sit at home and play games online. Those days were horrible. I was depressed and didn't do anything around the house. My home was a mess! Even though I am able to drive now, I feel like I am in the same boat as then. I know that most of the rest of the year will be spent at home. I will only get out of the house when I have to buy groceries, for church on Sundays and for activities at Nadia's school. I am determined not to go back to those depressing days though. I don't want to spend all day on the computer and ignore my home and family again. So, here is what I am going to do...
I am going to give myself a schedule and pray I stick to it. I will allow myself time to play online when Nadia is at school but only after I have done some housework and my studying for my Sunday School class workbook. I will make sure that when Nadia comes home from school, the computer is turned off and my attention is on her and Eric when he is home from work. We will make supper as a family and eat as a family. We will enjoy each other's company as we help Nadia with her homework and maybe play a game or watch television. I will only allow myself to get online again after Nadia has been tucked into bed. Of course, there will be days that Nadia wants to get on her computer and I will allow her that time and give myself a little extra online time when she is playing her games and doing some educational work on the websites they use at her school. I know that this will not happen EVERY day. Emotions and moods will happen that will give me a depressing day here and there but even those days have been few. All this will begin the first day Nadia goes back to school. Friends, please pray that these changes that are happening in our lives will not make me go back to those depressing days. Not having a car, having Internet again and Nadia going back to school may not seem to be a big deal but it is to me. Any type of change can mess me up and my routine. I pray that my new routine that I set for myself will stick and I don't slide. I am determined to no go back but forward in life!
Thursday, July 5, 2012
It's All About Knowing You Can
For the past couple of weeks I have been racking my brain about what to write. I could write about how much I love Eric and how today is our 9th anniversary, but you already know about my love for him. I could write about how Nadia is away for the next week or two and how I feel about that but it just wouldn't be inspiring. Then it came to me. My inspiration came from a hill today. Before I can tell you about the hill, I must tell you how I got there.
On Monday, I brought Nadia to my sister-in-law's house so they could leave for Alabama. On the way home, the car broke down. This was the first time in the 5 years that I have had my license that the car broke down while I was alone and driving. I did pretty well knowing something was wrong and getting to the side of the road. I stayed mostly calm as I tried to get ahold of Eric and he was able to find someone to pick me up. Since then we have been walking and finding rides when we can around our small town.
Today, I knew the movies I had borrowed from the library were due on Saturday. I had already watched them all and I wanted some new ones. I decided I would walk to the library alone. Because of Eric's schedule, I didn't want to make him walk with me on his day off. He will need the rest after this long week. I did really great getting to the library. It took me 25 minutes and I felt great. As I was walking to the library, I saw the hill. I knew I would have to walk up it on my way back. I was dreading it and almost decided to sit at the library until Eric could find a way to get me when he got off work. Once at the library, I knew I couldn't sit there. The longer I sat, the more I would get tired. I wanted to be at his work when Eric got off so we could sit and eat together. Eating at a fast food place on our anniversary is better than nothing. I found some new movies and checked them out quickly. I started my second walk and was doing great and then I saw the hill.
I started thinking maybe I should get Eric to find someone to pick me up where I was. I have walked it before but only with Eric's hand on my back helping me with a little push. Then I looked down as I started up it. I told myself to keep looking at the sidewalk. I told myself I was still walking on flat ground. There was no hill. I watched my feet take each step and told myself that I could do it. There was no hill, the ground was flat. I did great and before I knew it, I was on top of the hill. By then my feet were hurting but I pushed through it and kept telling myself that I was almost there. I could see Wal-Mart and beyond that was my destination. It took me LESS than 25 minutes to walk the same distance I had walked earlier! Then I realized that it was all about mind set.
I was like the "Little Engine That Could" but instead of saying, "I THINK I can" I was telling myself, "I KNOW I can." I have put myself in situations this summer that without realizing it, I was using this same mentality. I have learned a new way to work on overcoming my anxiety. I have to lie to my brain so my body will believe me and let me do what I want to do. I have faced crowds at a concert and did fine, I have faced being alone on the highway in a broken down car and was able to stay pretty calm and I have faced a hill that I thought I couldn't get over. I believe that my days in the valley of depression and anxiety are lessening. I know that with my history I will still have bad days but those days are becoming few.
On Monday, I brought Nadia to my sister-in-law's house so they could leave for Alabama. On the way home, the car broke down. This was the first time in the 5 years that I have had my license that the car broke down while I was alone and driving. I did pretty well knowing something was wrong and getting to the side of the road. I stayed mostly calm as I tried to get ahold of Eric and he was able to find someone to pick me up. Since then we have been walking and finding rides when we can around our small town.
Today, I knew the movies I had borrowed from the library were due on Saturday. I had already watched them all and I wanted some new ones. I decided I would walk to the library alone. Because of Eric's schedule, I didn't want to make him walk with me on his day off. He will need the rest after this long week. I did really great getting to the library. It took me 25 minutes and I felt great. As I was walking to the library, I saw the hill. I knew I would have to walk up it on my way back. I was dreading it and almost decided to sit at the library until Eric could find a way to get me when he got off work. Once at the library, I knew I couldn't sit there. The longer I sat, the more I would get tired. I wanted to be at his work when Eric got off so we could sit and eat together. Eating at a fast food place on our anniversary is better than nothing. I found some new movies and checked them out quickly. I started my second walk and was doing great and then I saw the hill.
I started thinking maybe I should get Eric to find someone to pick me up where I was. I have walked it before but only with Eric's hand on my back helping me with a little push. Then I looked down as I started up it. I told myself to keep looking at the sidewalk. I told myself I was still walking on flat ground. There was no hill. I watched my feet take each step and told myself that I could do it. There was no hill, the ground was flat. I did great and before I knew it, I was on top of the hill. By then my feet were hurting but I pushed through it and kept telling myself that I was almost there. I could see Wal-Mart and beyond that was my destination. It took me LESS than 25 minutes to walk the same distance I had walked earlier! Then I realized that it was all about mind set.
I was like the "Little Engine That Could" but instead of saying, "I THINK I can" I was telling myself, "I KNOW I can." I have put myself in situations this summer that without realizing it, I was using this same mentality. I have learned a new way to work on overcoming my anxiety. I have to lie to my brain so my body will believe me and let me do what I want to do. I have faced crowds at a concert and did fine, I have faced being alone on the highway in a broken down car and was able to stay pretty calm and I have faced a hill that I thought I couldn't get over. I believe that my days in the valley of depression and anxiety are lessening. I know that with my history I will still have bad days but those days are becoming few.
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